Review
Release Date: 1985
Platform:
Nintendo Entertainment SystemDeveloper:
Nintendo EADPublisher:
Nintendo of America, Inc.Reviewed by
Sage Gaspar on 4.21.2003
| Review Rating: 4/10 | User Rating: 9/10 |
By and large, Nintendo platformers have lost much of their charm with the ebb and flow of time, descending into the realm of below average titles. Sadly enough for Miyamoto fans, the original Super Mario Brothers is one of those games.
When Mario Brothers opens, its datedness is immediately apparent. Mario looks like nothing more than a brown log of bloody - scratch that, a brown log with some red paint on it. The background includes approximately one shade of blue "sky" with some static clouds and blob-scenery making their way across the screen occasionally. Mario is responsible for fighting other brown and green blobs, obviously ‘shrooms and turtles, who wander around Miyamoto’s stoner vision of a world hoping to accidentally bump into Mario.
Thankfully, not all of the enemies require that you have the coordination of Louie Anderson to get hit by them. Some, such as the pits, are pretty hard to avoid, making jumping a challenge. Once in a while, enemies known as the Hammer Brothers possess the AI to turn around and chuck some hammers in a different direction once Mario has blown by them. Underwater, it’s much easier for enemies to randomly run into you. And most fearsome of all are the kings of beasts, King Koopa et al. See, in a hiding strategy worthy of Hussein and bin Laden, Koopa has placed seven of his identical companions in seven nearly identical castles, on seven nearly identical bridges, with seven nearly identical axes primed to collapse the bridges behind them. Luckily for Koopa, Mario is either stupid or unlucky enough to go through the seven wrong castles first, acquiring seven useless mushroom companions before bagging the pixilated Princess Daisy… no, Peach… no, Toadstool and defeating the Big Guy himself. I couldn’t help but think that it would be a better strategy to surround the Princess with all eight fire-breathing, death-dealing, spiky-shelled turtles, but hey, that’s just my take. Let’s see what the game had to say about it.
In an ironic twist that almost makes the game worth playing, those bricks and ‘shrooms that Mario squashes, crushes, and otherwise maims with such satisfying sounds are actually residents of the Mushroom Kingdom, transformed into shells of their former selves by King Koopa. Even the blocks that Mario steps on were formerly little Toad clones. So what’s up with this Princess scenario? Well, the Princess is the only one that can undo this spell, so Koopa kidnapped her. For some reason, he didn’t see fit to simply send the Princess to her death like he sent so many other Mushroom Kingdom residents. Maybe he wanted a little Princess action on the side. Strangely enough, Mario the Plumber is the only one who has a resistance to Koopa’s spell, so he sets off towards the Princess to save the day.
The only saving graces are somewhat strangely addicting gameplay and fun sound effects. Despite the fact that Mario’s enemies have the additive IQ of one of those little ‘shrooms in a bag that Mario frees, it’s fun to run around stomping on their heads with a satisfying Boing! Smoosh. Especially considering that most of those mindless baddies were once mindless goodies, Mario’s friends and neighbors.
When it finally comes down to it, though, Super Mario Brothers is nothing more than a below average platformer. There’s nothing there that hasn’t been done again by now, and better. Play it for nostalgia. Play it to satisfy sadistic urgings to kill Mushroom People turned goomba. Play it for the blatant drug references. Play it because you’re on drugs. Play it because the community’s peer pressure to enjoy it is overwhelming. Play it because it’s a classic. For God’s sake, don’t play it because it’s a good game.
